Weary and Burdened

As a young mother we tend to put our needs and wants on the back burner, including our health.  I for one, am guilty of this.  Now my brain and my body are saying, "I'm so tired and I just want rest!!" Physically and emotionally burnt out.  I've been stressed as far back as I can remember. Stressing to get my body pregnant, stressing over a law suit over our new home, then stressing about a screaming baby, working our way through the system for a diagnosis for Carter, dealing with the diagnosis and insurance, Cooper came along, Cody's new job and moving.  Whew, what a crazy last 8 years it's been.  I've had PCOS forever, although it wasn't till I was 20 to get a diagnosis.  I think that my PCOS is now waving a huge flag at my body and saying, "Hey you, yea you! Im still here and Im not going away.  All this stress you've been dealing with has made things ever worse and now you have more health issues." My brain tells me that something has to give.  I feel like I go from one stress to another.  When will I catch a break?? Then my heart kicks in and says how selfish of you.  There are so many sick children in this world and people fighting cancer and all kinds of terrible illnesses. But I keep thinking in my head how much I just wish that I could get a body "do over".  My body is riddled with problems and I feel like Ive been making all these great efforts to get well but my body isn't responding.  I had some blood work done last week and found out my body is producing no progesterone.  None, as in not traceable amounts, post menopausal range.  I feel sorry for myself and am riddled with confusion but I told Cody I have to remember that at least my body got it right twice.  I have two beautiful kids and that's more than some women ever get.  While I'm frustrated with my body I came across a pin on Pinterest that was a picture from a book by C. S. Lewis. It was a prayer of contentment and it said, "I would rather be what God chose to make me than the most glorious creature that I could think of; for to have been thought about, born in God's thought, and then made by God, is the dearest, grandest, and most precious thing in all thinking." Wow!! It's hard to understand why God has given me the struggle of PCOS and all my medical issues, but it's not always about me understanding that.  God created me this way for a reason, his reason.  I can think about how great life would be without this but this is who God wanted me to be.  I will fight for my health but I should be content knowing that I am wonderfully made.  It's so hard to focus on me when I have two energetic boys running around but I want to be around to see that so I have to get healthy and I have to make me a priority.  But first….I want rest. Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Matthew 11:28