This is it..Day 10

So my last post stated that I was going to go for 14 days of fasting.  But after a couple of medical issues that have come up, I decided it was best to stop at my original goal of 10 days.  I think the sugar from the apples and such is getting to me and my body just doesn't handle sugars well.  I'm thinking its made my hormones a little off.  I have to say I am really proud of myself.  I can't believe that as much as I struggle with having will power and self control when it comes to food I was able to pull this off.  Just goes to show you really can do anything if you set your mind to it.  I think the mind setting is the hardest part.  When you fully embrace something, knowing it probably won't be smooth sailing.  This has shown me that if I can fast for 10 days and not eat one thing of food that I do have the self control to say no to certain types of food.  It's going to be hard, but I can do it, I'm able.  One time during my fast Carter was being a real piece of work, the backtalk, the attitude, the meltdowns.  I was at my ends.  Cooper had gotten our bed curtain in the fan and I yelled at him about how many times did I have to tell him to leave that alone.  He immediately cried and you could see all over his face his feelings were hurt.  It made my heart sink and I felt terrible.  I immediately dug down inside and told him I was sorry for yelling but he needed to listen and leave it alone before he broke the fan.  While this had occurred Carter was in his room for bad behavior and while screaming to come out, I felt even worse about how I have so much heart for Cooper and less for Carter.  Why is that?  Our relationship has never been easy.  From the first few weeks of Carter being born he screamed, all the time.  For about the 1st year of his life.  Walking around trying to burp him, my arm across his belly ache.  It was extremely hard while Cody worked and no family to help out.  I was stressed to the max and I literally just tried to make it day to day.  We didn't have that normal bonding time.  While I know now that Carter's issues stem from his Autism, it's hard to put the pieces together now.  Everything is a struggle for me and for him when it comes to his behavior.  I'm always on the edge to correct him, or discipline him.  It's just been that way forever.  While I think most of me pushing him has benefited him it has also damaged our relationship.  What does this have to do with fasting?  While I sat in the floor after Coopers mishap and listened to Carter scream, I had a mini meltdown.  A few tears were shed, praying for God to first give me mercy for my coldish heart towards him and secondly to give me grace when it comes to him.  I wish and pray that one day I can have more of a relationship with him like I have with Cooper. I wish I had more mercy on Carter.  Some things he can control and he does know what he's doing but others he doesn't.  It's in those moments I need to show him grace and mercy.  If I had not been fasting I probably would have just turned to a food to ease the stress and emotions.  But in that moment I found myself turing to God for guidance amongst the stress.  I hope that I can remember everything that I have learned about myself during this fast and put it to great use.  Medically speaking I lost 8 lbs as of today.  Not a huge loss but I do feel better and my clothes are less snug.   Even though today is my last day and I'm so close to being done I find myself saying ,"Just go ahead and eat!".  But I'm NOT. I said 10 days and I'm sticking to it!!

7 days down another 7 to go

Today is the 7th day of fasting.  I'm surprised I've made it this far but I have.  Emotionally it's been a roller coaster ride.  Wanting to give up and not.  Hungry, then not so hungry.  One thing that has been constant has been the energy level has stayed up, which has been a blessing.  But because I've been busy all day Im super tired at night.  So far I've lost 7 lbs.  While I'm glad that I have lost some weight, I'm feeling really down today that I haven't lost more.  I'm getting discouraged.  If it were just a weight issue I think I would be much more acceptable of where I am.  My hormones are worrying me sick.  Trying to make the decision of losing weight the long and slow way is desirable because it's the natural way to do it.  But in the mean time my lack of a cycle is a concern.  Maybe I should just take the diabetes meds.  That's the only time I've known my body to lose the weight and keep it off.  Once my body gets down to 150 lbs my hormones seem to always regulate themselves.  The thought of taking this medicine forever though is a downer and would also pose life long effects. Starting the medicine is always hard on my body as well because if I eat anything with a lot of carbs/sugar I get very ill to my stomach.  While it does it's job, I'm unsure how healthy it is to not be able to eat fruits and vegetables.  All I can do is pray about it and ask that God will give me some guidance on what is the most healthiest thing for me and my body.  I originally said I would fast for 10 days.  But I have decided Im going to do it for a full two weeks.  14 days of no food.  No chewing.  I've made it this far so I'm sure I can make it.  Trying to figure out what to do next is the hard part........

I don't quit, I persevere

Next week in homeschool Carter will be learning about the turtle.  The turtle stands for..I don't quit, I persevere.  Quite fitting for my struggles with juicing this week.  In my handbook for homeschooling it has the verse Galatians 6:9.  Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.  As I type this blog, the boys are eating lunch. Spaghetti for one and a turkey sandwich on gluten free bread.  Torture I tell you, that's what it feels like for me every time I go to make them a meal.  That's 6 meals a day plus snacks, it's taking everything I have in me to not just sink my teeth into anything.  So how has my journey been going?  Well Thursday was supposed to be day 1.  We juiced for breakfast, lunch and then we got caught in Frisco at dinner time/rush hour traffic. The kids were hungry and we had been shopping to get Cooper's big boy bedroom.  So of course we decided to cave in and go to Posados, umm Posados.  I told myself that it was silly to start a juice fast right before the weekend anyway.  Weekends are always hard for me because of Cody's 16 hr shifts at the hospital and Im here every weekend all day long with the boys.  Some weekends it takes all I have to not pull my hair out, why would I add the anger of hunger to the list.  After our delicious meal, it started to come up, the lump in my throat, GUILT!  Ugh, It was so good but I felt so bad.  If I say Im going to do something, I do it.  It's who I am, except with food, its always been my weakness.  Satan knows that and he hits me hard with it. It's an emotional crutch. Friday I juiced, breakfast, lunch, snack and then dinner came time.  The hunger was setting in...hard.  We had 4 ripe avocados on the counter, I didn't want them to go to waste, yea another excuse.  I was getting a headache, the kids were acting up and I just thought, forget it I'm not wasting that food.  So Cody and I sat down and made homemade organic guacamole.  It was so good, it always is.  Since we had already ruined our day why not add some halloween candy to top it off.  LOL, yup we did.  What happened afterwards?  That's right that feeling in my throat, GUILT.  Friday night Cody and I got right in the kitchen and juiced and juiced 192 oz of juice for Saturday.  I am happy and miserable at the same time to report I have not eaten since Friday night.  That's right, about 39 hrs and going with not one meal, not one chew.  A 16 oz cup of juice lasts about 2 hrs before the hunger creeps up again.  I try to hold off and sometimes I just have to close my eyes and say, "God, Please take this hunger away!  Give me the strength to see this through.  Help me to make my body healthy and take this opportunity to teach me how to rely on you more."  While I might stay hungry, it does seem to ease off a bit after prayer, which is such a comfort.  The thought of doing this for 8 more days is really hard to think about so I'm trying not to think about it that much.  Taking it day by day is all I can do.  Saturday I finally just told myself that the longer I put off going a full day was another day I had to start over.  So that was my motivation.  As far as results, even though we had 2 days of dinner mishaps, I have noticed my skin is much clearer.  Weight loss, this morning I weighed and nothing, but I weighed again later it looked like I lost 2 lbs, so not sure how accurate that is.  It's a little early still but I will keep you updated.  Spiritually, the results have been grace and to persevere.  We are so blessed to have Gods grace when we fail but it's important to remember that just because we fail doesn't mean we can't start over or try again. Working through the hard times will have a reward.  Well I am off to Sprouts to stock up on organic kale, cucumbers and apples.  

Juicing Fast!

A couple weeks ago Cody and I watched the documentary Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead.  It truly inspired us to do a juice fast.  There are many pros to doing a juice fast.  Weight loss is one, but also it's a great way to detox your body.  I've struggled with weight forever.  I know that getting on diabetes medicine will force me control what I put in my mouth but I'm out to prove to myself that I can gain self control in my eating options.  I just went a week without Facebook, if I can do that and come out not really wanting to get back on there, I think I can juice.  The goal is to juice for at least 10 days but we are hoping to do it for close to 30 days. It's going to be really hard for us because we both love food but we both need to change our lifestyle. We have been eating organic for years but we need to eat more of natures food.  Vegetables, I dislike with a passion, but I'm just going to have to swallow it and retrain my body, mind and taste buds.  After we complete our juice fast what's our game plan?  Paleo eating.  Google it.  No grains, no potatoes, and no legumes, etc.  I know this is a lifestyle our whole family can do since its naturally gluten and diary free, which is what the kids eats but also great for my PCOS. This has been such a year of growth for me. Homeschooling, no Facebook, personal growth.  I feel blessed.  Every one has come with struggles but the payoffs have been worth it.  So please pray for me these next couple of weeks as I literally 'eat' nothing and drink only juice.  I'm sure I'm going to be super cranky the first few days so I'm sorry if I lash out in hunger, haha.  I'm going into this with being overweight at 191 lbs, acne issues, no period in 4 months (thanks PCOS), breast pain, fatigued, and not sleeping great.  I'll see if all or any of them go away as I do this.    I'll keep every updated. It's morning for breakfast....carrots, apples, lemon, and fresh ginger root.  So far not bad.