Whack!

So Cody didn't get the job in Nashville.  We knew it was coming, they interviewed a total of 6 people and 3 of which already worked at the hospital.  While I was a little disappointed I kept my head high knowing that God had, in some way, used Cody for a purpose. We will probably never know what for and thats okay.  The day after the interview in Tennessee, Cody attended a workshop at Methodist about insurance benefits for next year.  He had been tipped off by another employee while he was in Nashville that they mentioned ABA for Autism.  If you don't know what that stands for, its Applied Behavior Analysis.  This is what all Autistic kids need.  This is the mother load of therapies.  If you know me, you know I've cried more tears than I can count over Carter not getting the help he needs because of the insurances lack of coverage.  Ive cried tears while on the phone with United Health Care and as well as the HR department at Methodist. While I wont get into the specifics, because this isn't a post about the scam of insurance companies, I will say its a scam and that therapy is hard to come by.  Anyways he attended the workshop to hear what all was going to be said.  They announced that they were going to start covering ABA Therapy starting in January.  Methodist also thought to pride itself saying that they currently offer some therapies for Autism already.  Yea right, They only thing my son gets is Occupational Therapy.  We fought with Methodist and United Health Care for 6 months trying to get speech covered for him and they refused.  Methodist sent us an email stating that UHC has mis worded the plan benefits and that it was never Methodists intention to pay for Speech Therapy for an Autism diagnosis.  Wow, how do you sleep at night?  Anyways, Cody stood up and addressed the HR rep and the other employees in the room about the speech issue and of course he tried to save face, so lied, that he was unaware that Speech wasn't covered. Um this is the same gentleman who sent us the email.  GRRR!!  After the meeting the HR guy told Cody that he would contact him and if he hadn't contacted Cody in a week for Cody to call him.  Ill let you guess if he called Cody!  Cody also, at the workshop, asked him what the provisions for the ABA were going to be.  Like will this only apply to non verbal children or only aggressive children, etc... The guy told him that none of that had been decided yet, they just knew they were going to offer it.  He then told Cody that WE were the reason they were going to offer it.  While I should be jumping for joy in excitement, I can't help but be skeptical.  This is the same company who won't give us speech.  While I am grateful that all my tears have paid off and they were obviously listening, Im just unsure if this will effect us or not.  Even if Carter won't get the therapy because of some provision they put on it, it does my heart good knowing that someday someone's precious child will get the benefits they need and deserve.....  So you all know from previous posts that our hearts desire has been to move.  So when this came along one day after an interview we were really confused.  Whack! Um, so should we move so that Cody has an opportunity to advance in his career and work less hours? Or should he stay at his dead end job busting his butt and Carter maybe, possibly get the help he needs?  The next day after the workshop, Cody got an email from a hospital in Oklahoma telling him to give them a call.  I asked Cody, "Why would you have applied to a job in Oklahoma? That is one of the last places I would ever want to live?" Cody said, "I don't know I was just applying for any supervisor job."  I have always said "God will lead us to the place we are supposed to be."  But Oklahoma? Yuck.  I told Cody to just go ahead and call them and see what they had to say.  He called and the recruiter told Cody that he hadn't applied for the job, the recruiter found Cody's resume online and was interested in him.  Umm, say what? If thats not God opening a door I don't know what is.  The job sounded great for Cody, great experience and the pay was do able. He told Cody that if he was still interested then he should apply for the job.  We kind of prolonged it because honestly there is nothing there for us.  It's an hour and half to the nearest Whole Foods.  You all know I have to have a Whole Foods.  No Ikea?? What.... No, No this isn't going to work. LOL!!  But after watching a sermon last sunday night from our church, all the doubts and selfishness hit me right in the gut.  When God opened a door for Abraham, he went without hesitation.  Enter guiltiness now! I know deep down that God has a place for us, it might not be where we want it to be, but we have to let go and trust.  Cody had been emailing the recruiter back and forth for a week about insurance benefits, because in Cody's mind if Carter isn't going to get the help then he's not going to leave a job that might potentially give him that.  I understand the logistics of it.  I really do.  Why would we fight so hard and for so long to receive these Autism benefits and then turn around and leave right when they are being handed to us?  Doesn't make sense. So what's selfish? Staying so Carter can get the therapy we want him to have or putting aside the therapy and going through the door that God has opened for us?? Seriously, Everything was going so smoothly, everything was making perfect sense and then this. This is one of the hardest decisions ever. Nothing has been officially offered but it just makes me wonder what should we be doing?  Bottom line, we are here to serve God's purpose and not out own.  As a parent though, it feels wrong to not give your child something you think he needs but it also feels wrong to doubt the plans God may have for us.  Tonight's sermon was about the fear that holds us back from going when God calls us to do something.   Hmm this is all starting to hit me even more.  The best part I got out of it is also the hardest to swallow.  If God commands us to go somewhere and we do it, he will bless us.  It all sounds so good and all but letting go and actually acting on it is so hard.  It sounds so silly and yet degrading to say "How can trust God to handle my sons Autism? How will he thrive without this treatment that could help him so much?"  He created Carter this way for a reason and he is the ultimate in control, if I trust in God I have to trust that he will take care of our baby boy.  So what did we decide? We haven't really decided yet.  But we did agree that it sounded like God was opening a door and the best thing to do with it is follow it through.  He applied for the job, and if its meant to be than God will lead the way!