Roller Coaster

I sit down to write a new post and I have no idea where to start so in a way I'm speechless.  Life has been an emotional roller-coaster the last week.  Just after my post last week about God speaking to me about homeschooling and that something better was in store for us my husband received a phone call from Vanderbilt Hospital in Nashville,TN about a job.  We were really hopeful that things would turn out.  What a great opportunity for Cody to work with a well known hospital with plenty of learning opportunities.  After the first phone call we had mixed emotions.  We were happy to hear from someone but at the same time it was just a waiting game to see if they would call again.  The next day I tried to block it out and not even think about it.  Thanks to a trip to the zoo it was working.  While we were at the zoo Cody received a phone call from them again.  This one defiantly sounded more serious.  They asked him about how much research he had done about relocating there, had we looked at homes in the area, explaining the shift and what all it entailed and then asking if he would be willing to come for a personal interview.  The lady told him that she would get in contact with another lady who would finish the screenings and get back with him.  We were really excited thinking he would be going for a interview but of course came the waiting to hear back.  The next day nothing, the day after that nothing.  Cody logged into the hospital website to view his application status and it said no longer a candidate for the position.  Ummm enter heart sinking feeling NOW!  We were really bummed but I kept trying to be optimistic about the situation.  I told Cody that obviously it wasn't were God wanted us to be and that one day he will open the door to the right place. Cody told me that he had left a voicemail for the lady at the hospital to follow up with her and also thank her for her time calling and speaking with him.  Later that day the first lady that called him called him back and was asking him some more questions about how flexible he was on the income.  He explained to her that he was willing to listen to any offer they had but also told her that he had seen that he was no longer a candidate online.  She said that she had no idea about that and if that was the case why would she have been instructed to call him back and speak with him.  She said she would do some emailing and see what was going on.  She explained to him that there was several opportunities coming up as well.  After the phone call I think Cody was starting to feel a little more optimistic but me.... not so much.  At that point I was over it.  Either they don't want to tell him the truth or they don't have their stuff together.  Who knows maybe it't a technical thing that occurred.  It's a long shot but I guess I could give them the benefit of the doubt.  In my mind I'm moving on.  Cody is back to the application process again.  If they call then great but my thinking is if they are so concerned about how much money he is making then they obviously aren't willing to pay him close to that so to me that's a no go!  I told Cody maybe this job opportunity wasn't about a real job  but a phone call from God saying "Congrats, you listened to what I told you to do. This is to show you I am here and Im paying attention.  Something will happen but just be patient."  Honestly it gives me goose bumps either way.  He spoke, I listened and then he spoke again to confirm it.  Bravo God Bravo!  I asked Cody "How many times do you think we will have to go though this roller coaster of emotions until we find a job opportunity that sticks?"  Of course he didn't have an answer but obviously we hope that it's not too long.

Holding on

As we faced another disappointment from Cody's employer I began to become very anxious about how this decision would effect our family.  As some of you know Cody was pretty much asked to train to be an MRI tech at the hospital.  After years of hard work he earned his Bachelors degree. Our goal all along was for him to leave that horrid place.  After all, they deny Carter just about every medical therapy that he needs.  As soon as he graduated he started filling out numerous applications for jobs.  In the midst of that he was approached by another co worker to train to do MRI.  After much back and forth with the manager of the department about pay and schedule the manager told him that he was going to train but that they had to go through a bunch of 'technicalities' to officially be hired, but promised she would not go back on her word.   After months of back and forth and preparing in our minds all the bills we would be able to knock out and affording to send Carter to a university model school (that he was already accepted to) we were hit with unfortunate news.  The day we had been waiting for to finally receive the answer had come and I was on pins and needles.  Cody sent me a text message letting me know he was going into the office to get the official word.  As I waited I became very anxious about what this would do to our family if he didn't get the position.  So much was riding on this.  How would I support my husband if he faced yet another defeat with his employer?  As I waited and felt myself overcome with nervousness I sat down at my desk, closed my eyes and prayed out to god.  "Tell me what to do, Give me your guidance!" In the midst of my emotional storm, peace came over me.  Within my heart I heard him say "It will be ok, he won't get the job.  You will homeschool Carter and in doing so greater things are waiting for you.  Be patient and something will come up within the year."  In that moment I had such clarity and peace.  After that I knew in my heart that Cody didn't get the job and was just waiting on the text to confirm it.  Of course the text came saying that they decided to hire someone else who already had an MRI certification and that they were concerned about training him since he had managerial aspirations.  Wow! What kind of company holds someone back because they want to move up, that seems backwards, but totally predictable from them.  I looked at the numbers to see if we could still afford to send Carter to school and we could have but that would have been it, all of our money, no margin for error or a sickness.  I just knew despite the fact I would prefer him go to school, I couldn't shake what God had instructed me to do.  Doubt was starting to fill my mind.  "How can I homeschool?  Its too late to plan anything.  Where do I begin?  Im not equipped to do this.  How will this effect Carter and I's relationship?"  Not only was it bad that in my head I was having doubt, but then I started to receive it from the outside.  It made so much sense what people were saying, all the cons of homeschooling.  I got it I really did.  But I just know 100% that God spoke to me and that just isn't something I can turn away from.  I love Jamie Grace and her songs always hit home with me.  She has one song thats called 'Holding On' and it really hit me when I was having doubts about homeschooling.  Part of the song says, "I just keep holding on to what I believe. Oh I believe I you, Give me the strength to fight and a heart to believe when its hard to believe in you....  Oh and these are the times when doubts tryin' to creep in and I need a reason thats larger than life when hope seems hard to find. If only I could fight just a little longer I know its going to make me stronger."  Oh yea those are some strong words.  I don't understand why God has called me to do this with an already strained relationship with Carter.  Maybe homeschooling will fill our days with much needed structure in his schedule that he needs.  Maybe it will improve our relationship.  Maybe its because 2 months into going to school Cody would have gotten a job out of state that would have made it a difficult transition for Carter and a waste of money in tuition.  Who knows what the lord has planned.  What I am sure of is that he spoke to me so much that I just can't ignore it.  He knows what he's doing even though it's hard for me to believe.  I do however trust him so all I can do is dive in feet first and trust that everything is going to work out.

Holding On -- Jamie Grace