This is it..Day 10

So my last post stated that I was going to go for 14 days of fasting.  But after a couple of medical issues that have come up, I decided it was best to stop at my original goal of 10 days.  I think the sugar from the apples and such is getting to me and my body just doesn't handle sugars well.  I'm thinking its made my hormones a little off.  I have to say I am really proud of myself.  I can't believe that as much as I struggle with having will power and self control when it comes to food I was able to pull this off.  Just goes to show you really can do anything if you set your mind to it.  I think the mind setting is the hardest part.  When you fully embrace something, knowing it probably won't be smooth sailing.  This has shown me that if I can fast for 10 days and not eat one thing of food that I do have the self control to say no to certain types of food.  It's going to be hard, but I can do it, I'm able.  One time during my fast Carter was being a real piece of work, the backtalk, the attitude, the meltdowns.  I was at my ends.  Cooper had gotten our bed curtain in the fan and I yelled at him about how many times did I have to tell him to leave that alone.  He immediately cried and you could see all over his face his feelings were hurt.  It made my heart sink and I felt terrible.  I immediately dug down inside and told him I was sorry for yelling but he needed to listen and leave it alone before he broke the fan.  While this had occurred Carter was in his room for bad behavior and while screaming to come out, I felt even worse about how I have so much heart for Cooper and less for Carter.  Why is that?  Our relationship has never been easy.  From the first few weeks of Carter being born he screamed, all the time.  For about the 1st year of his life.  Walking around trying to burp him, my arm across his belly ache.  It was extremely hard while Cody worked and no family to help out.  I was stressed to the max and I literally just tried to make it day to day.  We didn't have that normal bonding time.  While I know now that Carter's issues stem from his Autism, it's hard to put the pieces together now.  Everything is a struggle for me and for him when it comes to his behavior.  I'm always on the edge to correct him, or discipline him.  It's just been that way forever.  While I think most of me pushing him has benefited him it has also damaged our relationship.  What does this have to do with fasting?  While I sat in the floor after Coopers mishap and listened to Carter scream, I had a mini meltdown.  A few tears were shed, praying for God to first give me mercy for my coldish heart towards him and secondly to give me grace when it comes to him.  I wish and pray that one day I can have more of a relationship with him like I have with Cooper. I wish I had more mercy on Carter.  Some things he can control and he does know what he's doing but others he doesn't.  It's in those moments I need to show him grace and mercy.  If I had not been fasting I probably would have just turned to a food to ease the stress and emotions.  But in that moment I found myself turing to God for guidance amongst the stress.  I hope that I can remember everything that I have learned about myself during this fast and put it to great use.  Medically speaking I lost 8 lbs as of today.  Not a huge loss but I do feel better and my clothes are less snug.   Even though today is my last day and I'm so close to being done I find myself saying ,"Just go ahead and eat!".  But I'm NOT. I said 10 days and I'm sticking to it!!